Pissed Off

Josh Konnely stands alone on a remote beach in the summer sun of Melbourne, Australia. He is dressed in his ring gear and has the National Championship around his waist. His face is painted similar to The Crow, but in red and black.

Josh Konnely: Howl At The Moon is just hours away, and as always all eyes are turned to Revelation. Tonight I defend my National Championship against Dawn Lenore Artemisk, while Kyle Murphy challenges Big T for the World Heavyweight Championship. The night may be in honor of The Dark Wolf, but all the world cares to see is who walks out with the championship gold. If myself and Murphy can both win, Revelation will walk out with all the gold of any value, and we will have all the power that goes along with it. National and World Champions.

Josh Konnely: So why is it that I feel empty and hollow inside? I have no desire to face Dawn again. I already beat her in a steel cage. Unlike Tommy Lee, it doesn't make me feel like more of a man that I can beat up a woman. Speaking of which, why didn't Pam just swing her massive phony breasts at him? I guess because she would die of blunt force trauma when he smacked her in the head with that baseball bat he calls a penis.

Josh Konnely: Did I go too far with that one? Ask me if I give a crap. Strike Towers is turning into a cess pool. They should call it Strike Toilet. Everyone is all excited about all the big names returning to SFT, but I have a problem with it. If you ask me, this new SFT should stand for Septic Fucking Tank: the locker room is filling up with SHIT.

Josh Konnely: Rapists and alcoholics and criminals of God knows what other sort. They've all crawled back out of the woodworks, out from under their proverbial rocks, like the slimy slugs they are. They are a poision, and no one seems to realize it but me. Take for example No Cash Value. If you ask me, they should be called No Moral Value. I think that speaks for itself. Have a little integrity in the naming of your faction. Put a little truth in your self-promoting, why don't you?

Josh Konnely: Anyway, it is strange to think that the deified Crimson King and his Crimson Knights, led by the coke-fiend cannibal Nirvana are the moral pinnacle of SFT- aside from Revelation, naturally.

Josh Konnely: So Scarlet Lady, you have my respect. It seems your leader and his faction have gone from attempting to destroy the power in SFT to attempting to protect it. For that, I commend you. Especially since Strike Towers needs some serious protection from all the filth growing around here.

Josh Konnely: I feel a pressing need to be brutally honest here today. My Revelation stablemate Kyle Murphy has always talked about he loves SFT, how he lives for SFT, how he BLEEDS SFT. That's all well and good, and I can even respect that. I just don't feel the same sentimental connection. Strike Towes? I never gave a damn about Strike Towers.

Josh Konnely: Sure, I am a two-time SFT Champion, but as for the company itself I never gave a rat's ass. I came to SFT because their was an abundance of wicked men and women glorifying sin and glorifying themselves, an act of blasphemy. These people needed their egos killed, and I brought the Egocide to get the job done.

Josh Konnely: Basically, I came to SFT to bring the painful punishment that so many in Strike Towers so seriously needed and so deserved. For that reason it is safe to say that not only don't I care, I utterly despised Strike Towers from the first day I stepped foot in its filth-ridden halls.

Josh Konnely: So Dawn, you think I give a damn about this National Championship?

Konnely removes the championship from around his waist and holds it up for the camera.

Josh Konnely: A championship from SFT is a championship of filth and scum. The company, its people, and its belt... to me, it's all repulsive. So Dawn, I almost hope you do win the National Championship away from me. I know longer have use for this thing. If anything, it's distracted my focus from what I came here to accomplish: redemption or destruction of the wicked.

Josh Konnely: You want this belt, huh? Come and take it.

Konnely throws the National Championship down into the sand and the camera pans around behind him. Josh reaches into the ASICS wrestling shorts and pulls out his "Johnson" (off camera). Ssssssssssssssst sssssssssst ssssst sssst.

Josh Konnely: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Josh finishes taking a leak on the United States Championship belt, and he glances over his shoulder with a smile.

Josh Konnely: I guess it's the Urinational Championship now, huh? It's all yours, Dawn. I really don't care anymore.

Josh Konnely: Oh, and to answer your question about which horseman I represent, each member of Revelation dresses in the color that matches their horse's character in Revelation. As you see, I wear red. Look up the Red Horse in the Book of Revelation, and you will know. Or just step into the ring and realize that a WAR is upon you.

The camera zooms in on the belt at Konnely's feet, and the scene fades to RED.